April 27th is Near.

Dirrrrty

This is why I have a hard time when Elliott goes out of town, even for a short while.

 My bathtub as of last night.

Think I'm going to be all nice and clean for when he gets home? 

Think again.

I struggle. 

The Devil's Radio

I have certain days where I tell anyone and everyone what I'm thinking about. I'll go on about funny but slightly demented stories from growing up, incredibly awkward stories from married life, the certain months I hate, the people I think are crazy, or who I'm sure of think I'm crazy, my bowel movements (to a select few), stories about family, stories about the random people I've met, want to meet, or wish I've never met.


Fortunately there's only a handful of people (roughly under five) who ever hear me say just what exactly is on my mind (besides little Elliott) and sheesh do I end up feeling bad aftwerward.


I was talking with a 'lil friend of mine about various things I hadn't known about her before recently and she said she was never one to always share just everything with everyone--including family. I told her that wasn't necessarily a bad thing as I am one to act in the complete opposite. Obviously, everyone has topics and situations they don't ever talk about for countless reasons. And, while self-disclosure generally leads to reciprocated behavior which further opens the lines of communication and strengthens the bonds of personal relationships, it can also lead to this:

This topic gets me thinking of another topic that I'm a little better at proactively managing but am certainly NOT perfect on and would even say I struggle with also: 

GOSSIP.

As I think of the type of mother I want to be I obviously think of my mom first. One of the things that I more than want to emulate is her absolute devotion to giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, never talking bad about them--even if they may 'deserve' it and never complaining about another person's actions because she always knows they don't dictate how she acts or reacts. Not having her influence around me has caused me to be a little more spiteful and aggressive towards those around me, which I have almost needed as I am often under-assertive. 

Still, in the end, I am only left temporarily and bittersweetly satisfied. 

I still only have myself to blame for my behaviors.

George Harrison puts it best:

Let me tell you about my feelings.

When I stare at my stomach (trying to breathe as softly as possible without holding my breath since apparently that's bad) it has the same appearance as a bowl of unbalanced j-e-l-l-o. He's in there. Moving for me.  

Everything's Coming up Rainbow

This week I will make this