Saturday, April 2, 2011

Beckett Turns 11 Months. We Think.

When I think of April, my chest constricts a little. A bit of PTSD if you will. Ok, let's not get too dramatic here. But really, I have a hard time thinking of last April. It's like when you have your alarm clock set to a certain buzzer and you hear that buzzer on someone else's phone or on the tv. It's all too familiar and elicits those same feelings of reluctance, anxiety, and brief shock at the sudden blare of that harsh sound though, it has no purpose anymore for the time being. It reminds me of Classical Conditioning.  

Back to April. I was "worried" (for no reason) about being able to graduate. I had papers, discussion boards, tests, commutes, work. I had a baby coming; Due April 27th. Well, we did  find out the week before that he was *technically* due the 29th. Whatever. He was coming and I was shy to meet him. Not worried about caring for him, not worried about losing sleep, not worried about loving him to death and back, not worried about breastfeeding (too many people ARE worried about breast feeding), not worried about how he would change my life. I was shy, bashful, and embarrassed. This baby didn't even know me and was about to be subjected to all of my motherly behaviors, one by one as I awkwardly wove them into my personality. Of course, little did I know, or realize. We've never been apart. Not really. Not ever. Thanks for being my guinea pig Beckett. It was inevitable, but here you are, once again, paving the way so that I might learn to be a little less crazier with each child. 
Love. Loves. Loved.
Did anyone see President Cook (or is it Elder?) or hear his name on conference today? He was called to be in the First Quorum of the Seventy! We are all very excited for him and his family. 

1 comment:

miss chaz. said...

CUTE CUTE CUTE. Love these.