Elliott tells me that if he were a stay-at-home-mother, he would have no inhibition about doing just what he wanted without feeling the need to "prove something" to people. Meaning, if he wanted to visit art and history museums regularly because it was something he's passionate about (it's not, really) he would. If he wanted to take a language or fine arts class of some sort, he would. If he wanted to go to culinary school to develop strong cooking skills (we talk about this one for me quite a bit just for a funny), he would. If he wanted to volunteer his time somewhere, he would.
I've discussed this previously on here; Education and hobby development do not have to be in pursuit of a degree, career, or end goal. Learning to garden and cultivate the Earth, painting and designing a home, reading, and exercising or training for a marathon can be productive and worthwhile uses of time with lifelong learning implications.
I struggle with this, that's why I blog about it so "self-assuredly" and "matter-of-factly" (and so often). I want to read my words over again and remember them and believe them.
I think I have this self-defeating fear of being "lesser" than my husband because I believe in my competence as a student and potential professional in the workforce yet he will be the primary one assuming that role. A few weeks back at school, my cohort was discussing, as a group, scheduling times for us to counsel clients next semester. I disagreed with their proposed method of deciding who schedules on what days and a girl (woman?) turned to me and said, "That's not... practical... for the people who have JOBS." I scoffed at it (being the high-strung, Type A, young, confident mother I am) and went about my merry adamant ways. It's not so much as a knock to my self-worth but rather a pet-peeve that yet another person views mothers as "lesser" unless they have a career to boot. I despise that, actually. I don't like that many other stay-at-home mothers I know feel that way about themselves and I especially don't like that I have moments of weakness in which I feel that way about myself. My husband doesn't make me feel that way, and I wonder if that's rare--hopefully not. He tells me the sky's the limit and that he will let me do whatever my heart wants and will love. NOT what I think I "need"--apart from being a stay-at-home-mother. I admire the mothers who are able to so gracefully balance work and home, who work from home, who turn pastimes into successful enterprises, and who do what they want, do what they love, and do it without feeling a void for more gratification from the illustrious "outside."
Beckett playing with Weeble Wobbles while we sign documents for our new house--we're moving this week!