Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I Have Ascoraphobia [Patent Pending]

The smallness of the photo is to minimize the temporary dirtiness of my bathtub as well as the non-temporary scariness of the scorpion. 
I hate scorpions. I hate them. I have a severe problem with them even if it's just picture of one. They have to be my number one classic* fear 
 Our bathroom has a teeny annex for the toilet and shower. It's ceilings are high and the round light fixed to the top could be considered eerie by some. After an ex-coworker told me how he saw a scorpion on his bathroom rug, I've been slightly paranoid... as in, everytime I go into that teeny powder annex during the night I quickly crane my head up and scan the walls, eerie light and rug for scorpions. This is every night for nearly two years. Fortunately, a few nights ago, my OCD paid off in a non-rewarding way. About to jump in the shower, I did my typical scan and on the wall a few inches away from the shower head was this big motha'. And oh my gosh did I lose it. I died. Well, in reality, I screamed and screamed and screamed constant expletives, grabbing at my arms and skin as if it were crawling on me. I couldn't sit down, there might as well have been scorpions covering every wall and piece of furniture in every room. I grabbed my phone, trying to call Elliott who had made a quick run to Walgreen's. No answer. Of course. Remembering my brother-in-law was on the phone with him, I google-talked him telling him to, in so many words and caps, tell Elliott to hurry. Finally he called me, and I was inconsolable. All he could tell me to do was calm down. I was not keeping my crap together very well. When he FINALLY made it home, he took care of the... problem (with a bat, can of Raid and broom). I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have Elliott to save the day. But I would have taken desperate measures.

I know a lot of people experience MUCH worse scorpion encounters than I do. They probably handle them MUCH better than I do too. This is only the first time I have spotted one in our house, the first time I've even seen one in years! You'd think that maybe I've been stung by one, had a close call with one, had a relative get a serious infection from one... no. Actually, yes. My grandma got stung by one 10 years ago and had to go to the hospital. But that didn't really make me more afraid of them. I actually have had minimal exposure to them for being an Arizona native. I just have issues. Serious. Issues.          

*A classic fear is one that doesn't include the more widely accepted, universal fears such as being robbed/mugged, murdered, attacked, violated, serious relational problems, spouse dying, etc. or having one or more of those happen to your children.   

*EDIT: The reasoning behind this post was because of the outrageous fact that I have yet to shower in our shower... it's been 11 days. I use the guest shower. I know, I know, one of these days I'm just gonna DO IT! I'm going to muster up that courage and shower in our shower again! Wish me luck. Feel free to laugh at this. I know it's ridiculous. 


Grammy Suzzy said...

You are NOT crazy, sweetie! I hate scorpions almost as much as I hate snakes. We used to get them all the time when we first moved in our house. I had a 2 yr. old, a 1 yr. old, and a newborn...and I was a nut. We would hunt them with Dee's blacklights (great to have a dj for a husband). I got really good and would just suck them up in the hose of our central vacuum! Worked most every time...till I found one too big...then, I ran and grabbed the only thing I could find...a shovel...and I smashed and smashed and smashed...and then waited for Dee to get home and scrape the remains up! Hang in there...and be grateful for your great "women's intuition"!

Melissa K said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. To proove it, click on the link and read MY "ascoraphobia" story!

Holly said...

I am paranoid at every place we've seen one at the house. They never show up in the same spot, but I always look anyway thinking that I"ll see another one. So scary! Um, and yours is SOOO ugly looking. That would scare me to death.

chazilyn + patrick said...

oohhhh i would be freaking out. freaking out BIG TIME. we get ONE maybe once a year.....but STILL. knowing they're there......YIKESSSS